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| Blank canvas.
Paint me full of ideas.
Full of opinions.
Full of courage & fear.
Full of life.
Don't let me sit unused.
My purpose is greater.
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| oooh boy.
so much on my plate at one time.
endless cycle.
days come and go.
feelings are hidden, but eventually show.
i feel like some kind of toy.
strung up to someone not paying attention.
it's all hitting me right now like... wooah!
it's opening my eyes right now like... wooah!
never mind being coy.
no longer empty.
a soul full of good energy.
Whatever's on your mind speak on how you feel -Lil Wayyyne<3 | | |
| So far this army thing hasn't been as bad as I expected it. But he also hasn't got out of the country or anything yet. That's when it will really be hard. But by then I'll probably have talked myself into being ready (or as ready as I could be) for it. Actually I'm going to see him this weekend. I spent almost every weekend in August in Georgia seeing him. Yeah, it's crazy to drive 5, sometimes 6 or 7 hours to see him. But as he & I both know, & as I've made pretty obvious, I would to anything for that boy. ANYTHING. It's been a whole year now and we have been talking about getting married one day!!!!!!!!!!! How wild is that?! Who knew that I'd stumble upon this wonderful guy & end up talking about getting married at the age of 19?! I never thought it'd be this early but everything happens for a reason. I could tell the moment I met Chris that he was going to be THE ONE. There's just something unexplainable that you notice about them right off hand.
I really hope that all the praying & such helps. The last thing I want is to see us fall apart.. (no I'm not talking about me & Chris) But with the rate things have been going lately it's so hard to see the future for us. Sometimes just being here is too overwhelming. Now I remember why I usually am gone all the time. That's sad, very sad. Don't get me wrong, there is no one who can take the place of these people. Nor do I want anyone to. Time will tell I guess... I just hope everything works out in our favor whether we see the good in it at first or not. Sometimes I feel like I may be the only thing holding us together anymore....
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| Wow. I guess it's time to start counting down the days.
I am DEFINITELY not ready for this. | | |
| I can't believe he is going to be gone in 38 days. Gone. Like I wont see him for at least a month. It's hitting me quite hard right now. It is going to be so hard without him just being around. He is a bigger part of my life than I thought. I mean I knew he was a big part but I didn't realize it was quite that a big of a piece of my pie. But I can't say it's a bad thing. I love being around him. I love seeing him. I love hearing him. I love smelling him. He really does make my days go smoother because no matter what at the end of the day I know I'm going to see him and he is going to make me smile. He always does. It's crazy to think that we've been together as long as we have and it's even crazier to think of where we WILL be in a few months when he comes home. Our relationship is hopefully going to be superman strong. A lot of people can't believe that I've settled on that decision but it's hard to imagine not being with him. I don't want to do that. He's turned into one of my best friends and I've never been in a relationship quite like that. So it's a cool, new experience for me.
It's also to have Mel back in my life. It's been quite awhile. But I am over joyed that she is back around. I have missed her. As much as I was trying to be a stubborn bitch I see that it was all a waste of time in the end. I think you have to get really mad at someone that is that close to you at least once to know what it's like to lose them once you've gotten that close. It shows you how much you'd rather have them around never mind the stupid reasons that they had for making you mad.
It's 4:38 am... I need to go to bed. I also have to pee, but that is going to take oh so much effort......
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